I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sorry about my life...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
