Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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