Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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