its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
