Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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