I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
