You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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