Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
