blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
