You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
