good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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