I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
