Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
