I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
