Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
