Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
