You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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