Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
