The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
