he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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