I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
