So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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