I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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