I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
