Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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