I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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