Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
