As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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