On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
