i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
