my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
