i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
