yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
