I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
