Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
