Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
