But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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