He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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