Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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