Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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