I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize