I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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