I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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