you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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