what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
