where does the pee come out of this thing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Boobs speak an international language.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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