once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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