I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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