STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
