wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
