Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
