I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
