I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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