the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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