two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
