u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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