I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
