All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dick very happy bro
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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