WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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