why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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