How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
