i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
