Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
