Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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