Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
