I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
