i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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