On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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