just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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