I wish I could teleport
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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