Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
