Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
