well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm always down for nudity.
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