who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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