Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
