how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
