I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
